Sometimes, I don't know how I survived my first two years of graduate school, namely, between 2007-2009. Those were some of the toughest years of my life, because I had a nearly full-time job (or jobs!), took more course-load than normal, ran, and then had to divide the rest of my time between the boyfriend and the family. Don't get me wrong, I still had plenty of fun during that time, but I recall feeling trapped by a very tight schedule!
Anyway, I decided to quit.
I left this:
...To the wonderful outdoors. At least for now, until I figure out what I am going to do or how long this new stint lasts.
No, all this ridiculous ranting did not lead up to a mere gym loss. Actually, I left my company. After over four years of miscellaneous assignments with little prospect for something permanent at this time, I am going to another temporary post that beckoned very strongly. Whether I had chosen to stay or leave, it is a lose-lose situation (I had been a contracted worker, so that REALLY reeked no matter how one looked at it!). So better to embark on something new in the process and get paid more at the same time.
But the decision was agonizing, risky, and somewhat painful. I will miss all the wonderful people I've met and all luxuries I got. Flexible schedule, some long-term financial gains, dining (and one time, wining), hotels, and the general stature of the company. And the gym... gosh. I must have run thousands of miles in there. And it is where I met my "Ukrainian."
The company to which I have headed have been really great to me so far. Unlike the old company, they seem to really want me there, and since it is global, there are plenty of learning opportunities out there for me for sure. While I might use my time there to buy some more time until I can find something permanent, it might just be the ticket to my ultimate career.
But with all things, we shall see.
At least, after work, I can run in beauty worthy of a "rave run," in the city of Pasadena, CA, in one of its most beautiful parts. I'm going to try it out today and see how it goes. And at some point, I will re-join a gym (I pretty much know which one at this point). But it's summertime, the days are long, and I'm game for staying fit without a building. I mean, I couldn't let this factor into prioritized life decisions, right?
My friends have been supportive of this decision, and even though I agonized and didn't know it at first, I think it was the right one. Only time will tell.
And as a note to my family or anyone else who knows me IRL (in real life), this is still under wraps, so please don't spill the beans until I do (which may take a while...like months, but I will)!
My true, true hope is that from this point onward, I can stop equating my not-being-done-with-school-yet and no-full-time-job-yet status with failure. I was not brought up this way, so it will be tough. Just look at how hard I am on myself when I don't feel like I've done "well enough" during a race. But if I can just change that doubt, I know I can be 100000x happier and enjoy life (and races) THAT much more.
Good luck with the change - it can be hard to readjust to everything, but it sounds like there are plenty of positives!
ReplyDeleteSounds like you are ready for a new adventure!!!
ReplyDeleteGood luck with the life change. And stop being so hard on yourself. With my Asian heritage I know the feeing of the pressure to suceed. It took me many years (and a few trips to a shrink) to understand the real meaning of success.
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